If you don't feel pain it means that you do it wrong!

"If you don't feel pain it means that you do it wrong!"

That's my stringent yoga instructor's favorite quote of which I have no argument.
Not only because she would shout at me if I didn't do the pose her way, but also because I read that one of the essence was to find peace amidst the suffering.

Yet due to the pain, some people prefer doing it in other, more fun ways, to find peace and happiness.
Guess its all come down to each owns preferences.

Hence it tickled me to reason why I liked yoga, why I liked finding peace through the suffering.

Perhaps since some people were destined to live the hard way.
That it was God's plan for them to guide them through the ordeals.

Or because some people thought they didn't deserve the good life.
That they would have to restrain their happiness as not to turn into arrogance and bad luck.

Anyway in the wake of current global economic crisis, it was them who lived the hard ways that survived or even thrived.

And as my funky yoga instructor told me that one of her reason to learn yoga was to boast the inhuman poses to others (though with all her beauty and charm I don't think she will need that :)), there is silver lining in every clouds.

Consciously 'tortured' the body prepares it to the unexpected, real life tortures and injuries and making it more resilient and flexible.
And self-restraint is a vehicle to preserve resources for the unexpected.

So, live the life fully, and save some for tomorrows.

(previously posted in Facebook on January 18th, 2009)

I learnt something today

I like to be perfect on everything I do.
The downside is that if I’m not thriving on something, sometimes unconsciously I’d avoid it.

Lately I’m enjoying yoga very much, especially one thought by my favourite instructor.
Anyway, after attending her classes for some time I still could not do the head-stand pose.
Every time I fell down, I felt stupid and that I’ve disappointed her since she had been helping me perform the pose many times.
Lately this reached some point that I considered to avoid her class.

Besides yoga, my other hobby lately was golf.
Well, to be exact, driving, since I did not have the courage to go to the green yet.

God is good to me that my first time swinging the club, I could hit the ball pretty good.
My first driving experience was quite satisfactory that I can hit 100m with my 6-iron.

This morning, even though the reluctance was high, I had successfully forced myself to attend the yoga class.
I was still fail to do the head-stand pose.
But the important thing was that I didn’t run away but faced my fear.

Later in the afternoon, in the driving range, I didn’t know what went wrong, I could barely hit the ball!!
My swings kept hit the wrong side of the ball which resulted in humiliating ball flights.
Then perhaps out of a pity, suddenly a couple of foreigner (Korean, I think) gave me free swing course.
The guy was very good and was a member of some Golf Champion club.
They were very attentive to watch my swings and explain the correct techniques with mixed Bahasa - Tarzan language :).

I was still fail to hit as good as I used to be.
But their attention has made me happy that I could see my failure as a learning experience.
(I did realize some potential problem in my old swing style which hopefully will enable me doing better swing next time)

I learnt something today.
It is better to do something, though not perfect since it’ll give improvement chances.

(previously posted in Friendster on November 1st, 2008)

tuesdays with Morrie

A friend recommended me to read "Tuesdays with Morrie".

Today, due to some stupid mistakes that made me miss my Body Balance classes, I spent the whole afternoon reading the book.
Well, it was a blessing in disguise actually since I really enjoyed reading it and it really touched me.

It told me a true story of Professor Morrie Schwartz who spent the last three and a half months (14 weeks) of his life to give lectures about life to his beloved student, the author, Mitch Albom.
The lectures were happened every Tuesday in the 14 weeks.
Hence the title.

One of the Tuesdays that interest me the most is the twelfth which started with phrases
"Forgive yourself before you die. Only then forgive others" (it is a free translation since I read the Indonesian version).
It was said that we usually blame ourselves for not working harder, not doing something that we should do, etc.

I did that.
Many-many times.
For not be with my Father during his last days, for not doing the best for my Mom and families, for not continuing my studies, for not fully developed my talents, for not this, not that, not this, not that, etc.

Some of them can not be changed, some of them I try to change, some of them I try to ignore.
And as it is said in the book, I think I have to make peace with the unchangeable ones.
Only then I can move on and do better with my life.

Another Tuesday which gave me very strong impression was the fifth when Morrie talked about Family.
"If I’ve divorced, live alone, or don’t have children. This illness-which I have-will burden me more. I’m not sure if I can handle it. Yes, there are people who will visit, friends, ex-partners, etc, but they are not the same with someone who will not left us alone. They are different with someone who we know will continuously care for us, watching us all the time".
(It is another free translation, sorry if I’ve mistranslated some words).

On reading that, I can’t stop remembering my time being a flood victim.
Back then, the one thing that tortures me the most is the feeling of being lonely.
In normal condition, I have my work, places to socialize, to make friend.

But, the flood cut all of those.
And it taught me to appreciate my Mom’s and families’ phone calls, my friends’ attentions, and strangers’ attentions.
It taught me to appreciate many things that will be taken as granted in my usually busy days.

My friend told me that the book is the best book she’d ever read.
That she cried reading the book.

I’d been touched reading Tuesdays’ lectures in the book.
Many Tuesdays.

I’ve shared some of them.
And perhaps some more in some other days.

(previously posted in Friendster on January 10th, 2008)

reflection

Last month, I had a short conversation with my ex-boss and mentor,
"Herry, how are you?"
"I’m fine, thank you. It’s been an interesting and challenging year with expectancy of fruitful end Pak."

Yes, Year 2007 was a very interesting and challenging year.
Keep me running and running and running.

Actually, if I recalled, all my years were interesting and challenging years.
I am quite good in finding interesting challenges to keep me from getting bored and rusted.

As my other ex-boss and mentor said it,
"Never let go a day without some improvements."

That’s why I love my work environment.

As I’ve always said to my team,
"Here, you can be whatever you wanna be."

No BS, I’ve proved it.
I started my career as a lone-ranger programmer with difficulties to communicate and work as a team.
They even considered me an alien back then :).

Anyway, through years of learning and improvements with planned career assignments from my bosses and supports from my colleagues and my friends, right now I’m trusted to lead a team of some of the most talented resources in my company.
"Here, I can be whatever I wanna be."

Of course, there are rules, as my ex-HR Manager and mentor said it,
"Here are like in the dojo, you must respect your elder brothers."

Hehe, perhaps even back then he already detected my rebellion nature, the arrogance of never acknowledging the less-than-myself to be placed-above-myself.
Speaking of which, I remembered my boss and mentor said something very valuable to me,
"You must seek and learn from the strength of others, not their weaknesses."

The ability to do that enables me to be more positive to others and getting useful insights for my improvements.

And my work environment is full of talented people which made it a very interesting place for me to learn and develop myself.
Hence there are so many "mentor" words above; since I consider them my mentors, model of their strengths that I’ve studied to enrich mine.

Perhaps that’s why when my schoolmate asked me on why I’m staying in my work environment for more than 8 years, I answered quickly,
"I am learning so much here."

He laughed.
8 years ago he started his career from zero, as I did.
Right now he’s already got his Camry from his place of work and yearly company-paid-vacation.
Perhaps that’s why he laughed.

But, never mind, as my director and mentor said,
"Among the specials, you are special no more."

This is good, because only then the special can learn others’ strengths and develop itself to be more-than-special.

Merry Christmas 2007 and Happy New Year 2008 friend …

(previously posted in Friendster on December 18th, 2007)

human

There are two parts of the film Hannibal Rising that interest me the most.

First one is the first 10 minutes of the film.
The horrors of little Hannibal witnessing his beloved sister, Mischa treated brutally, killed and eaten.
This later, as said in the film, has made the child Hannibal died in there.
There was still the body and the mind, but no soul.

A human treated inhumanly finally lost one’s humanity.

Second one is at the 10 minutes before the end of the film.
When Hannibal said to Lady Murasaki, "Please don’t leave me, I love you".
Then the beautiful aunty looked to him sadly and said, "What’s left in you to love?"

What’s left in a human if one lost one’s humanity?

It will be like the Jedi knight which fallen to the dark side.
Like Spiderman in his black-powerful-but-evil-outfit which made him throw a bomb to his childhood friend.

It started with a vengeful mind, hatred and abusive power.
And ended with one as Darth Vader, Venom or Hannibal Lecter.

(previously posted in Friendster on May 29th, 2007)

why am I here?

Why am I here?

This question first stroke me during my first few weeks in university.
It was the first few weeks I’ve been separated from my home, my family and my familiar environment.

Having ‘lost’ my familiar reasons for life made me think to find my new Purpose for Existing.
Since then, the founded Purpose for Existing has been quite stable and unchanged.

Recently, my friend lent me a book, The Why Are You Here Cafe by John. P. Strelecky.
A very inspirative book that made me reconsider what I’ve considered as my Purpose for Existing.

Have I found my true Purpose for Existing?

How, if somehow the thing is taken out from me and I’m pushed to the other side?

As in the Gladiator film, where the once famous Roman General became the lowest level of warrior, the Gladiator.
How everything that ever mattered in his life turned to be his nemesises in few hours.

Problem is I do not have time to think for the other things but my set goal.

It is because I am a very focused person.
I’d like to fight all the way to reach the goal.
Even so that I burnt out all my energy.
Left me nothing to think of other things.

Well, maybe it’s time for me to stop positioning myself as a powerful shark with unlimited energy who can swim as he wants.
Swim forward all the way do not bother of whether the wave are incoming or outgoing.

And start to think like a green sea turtle who use his limited energy wisely.
Conserve energy, not fighting the incoming wave, only spent minimal energy just not to be set back.
And using the outgoing wave effectively to swim faster than he actually can.

(previously posted in Friendster on April 12th, 2007)

run into or run from?

This morning, my Chief has given me a very inspiring quote.
I forgot the exact phrase because I left my note at the office, but more or less, it says "Do things because you need to not because you can do it".

The insight is that we have to do things because we want to do it, not because we are pushed and we can do it.
We must find our self-satisfaction on doing our job, we must build our self-motivation on doing our job.
Only then, we can achieve the best, for ourselves and for the company we work for.

Hearing that, I can not help but thinking about a book I’ve read quite sometime ago called "Bear Hunt: Earn Living by Doing What I Love" by Malcolm Mc Clean.
It’s quite funny though, because in the morning on my way to the office, somehow I’ve been thinking of some parts of the books which were the exact part that instantly remembered when my Chief told us the insight of the quote.

The part is in the Chapter 5 of the books, "Develop my millionaire mind", especially the part talks about the types and levels of millionaires.

The part talks about types of successful people, their characteristic and their motivations.
And how different kind of motivation determines how successful the people can be.

What was and is very-very interesting to me, is the differentiations between Enterpriser and Enterpreneur.
It says that Enterpreneur is most likely be far more successful than the Enterpriser type.
Because Enterpreneur is willing to take massive personal risk, often in the defiance of any logic, they have the tendency to reframe the word ‘failure’.
And as economic laws said, high risk high gain, the higher the risk, the higher potential of gain it will bring.

And the interesting part is what kind of motivations driving those two.

I simply call them "run into" and "run from".

Enterprisers have the "run into" motivation.
They set their goal, and they run their fastest to the goal.

Enterpreneurs have the "run from" motivation.
They are usually have experience of being marginalized in their early years.
These unpleasant experience become the drive, the dog that are chasing them their entire life to run their fastest, and run their fastest, and run their fastest.
No finish line, because there is no finish line since the beginning.
They only have their start line which is obviously moving steadily with their pace, kept shadowing them so that they always think that if they stopped, they will be back to the ground zero, the start line again.
So they keep running, and running, and running.

Well, that should’ve defined the levels’ difference between them and the risk they are willing to take, shouldn’t it?

So, are we the "run into" or the "run from" person?

(previously posted in Friendster on March 21st, 2007)

222007

It’s been more that a month since the day 02-02-2007.

A day which actually baptized me as a flood refugee.

Up until now I can still remember the details and the hours very clearly.
And considering that I’ve considered the disaster as one of my life’s milestones, I want to make sure that I’ve blogged it so that later I can still remember and re-lived the insights that Lord Above has given to me.

Friday morning 6am, February 2nd, a relative’s phone call had wake me up telling me that there is flood coming over.
Standing from my bed, my foot has already meet the first flood water since my bed room is the lowest part of my house and there was water coming over from my backyard.

And there was the heaviest rain I’ve ever remembered outside.

Quickly I went to see the frontyard.
The water had not come in yet, but my logic told me that considering the situation, most probable I would face the most terrifying moment in my entire life.

Then, slowly my fear and worries grew up as the water level slowly but sure increased in my house.

8am, the water level is around my ankle, about 5 cm inside the house.
I was busy moving my precious thing to higher place.

12pm, the water has been around 30cm high, right below my knees.
My house which is usually very clean and tidy has been become like a dirty pool with everything upside down.
Thank God, that I’ve the opportunity to move my precious things to higher place and take needed precautions to my car.
But yet, the other things were starting to sink into the water.

About after lunch, suddenly there was "Andong" stopped by my neighbour house.
I didn’t know why, it interested me to go outside to see and to have a talk with my neighbours.
It turned out that my neighbours were taking refuge using the "Andong".
They paid around IDR400,000 for the "Andong" for around 15km ride!!

And by the grace of God, it was happened that one of my complex security passed by and gave me their post’s number.

It was nothing much to remember except that the water level steadily increased, even after the rain hasd stopped.
The water was slowly change from transparent to brown and then to black after the level has increased higher than toilet level.

Anyway, until that point, I still have faith (or foolness) that somehow the water will decrease very-very soon.
Even I filled my time taking pictures of my ruined house, thinking that it will be the material to be seen and reflected later.
Still trying to do my job, discussed with my foreign partners, denying the worst possibilities.
Hehehe, quite radical and stupid for a person who would soon become a flood refuge, aren’t I?

I went to bed around 10pm with my bed floating in the water (like the one usually seen in swimming pool actually) and my laptop around me, after I did some job.
Still thinking that the water level will decrease very-very soon, that I will woke up the next morning, and everything will be okay.

Anyway, God had chosen a different scenario for me.
I woke up around 3am in the morning with my body wet, because my bed can not support my weight anymore.
Quickly I went to see my frontyard.
It was precisely the situation that beforehand I can only see in TV or papers that I sincerely believed wouldn’t happen to me.
It seemed that all my neighbours have taken refuge, it was very dark outside, nobody around.

I was alone!

And the coldness of water starting to freeze my feet.

Back then I was starting to pray, Oh God, is this my fate to die alone as a flood victim?

NO!!

I changed my wet clothes, sit on a table which was only 5cm higher than current water level.
Started to think to take a refuge.

Back then I realized that it is a lesson from God, and my Good Father in Heaven won’t give me problems more than I can overcome:

• thank God, that I knew the security’s post’s number,
• thank God, that my precious things were still safe,
• thank God, that I could get a dry place to avoid my feet to be frozen,
• and what amazed me the most, thank God, that at that time, out of usual, I have big cash in my hand (usually I did not keep cash in my house).

So, I called the security’s post, gathered my things into two bags, and prepared for the refuge scenario.

Around 1 hour later, 4:30am, the security came and I was rescued using hand-made emergency boat from tire.
I was rescued into an Islamic hospital near my house (it turns out that the hospital is the highest place in my complex).

But then, so what?
It wasn’t over yet.
I had to think where to take refuge.

Every possible refuge places were separated with more that a meter high water.

So, for around 1 hour I can only sit silently in one of the hospital bench, tried to think:

• it was impossible to take refuge in my relatives or my friend’s houses,
• I was thinking to go home to Surabaya, but then I knew that the road to airport was flooded too,
• so, it was nowhere to go but to stay in the hospital,
• but how about my things, will it be safe if I take refuge with the other refugees?
• well, it seemed that the hospital’s rooms were not too full,
• so I decided to take my chances to ask for the physicians’ permission to rent a hospital room.

Thank God, that eventually I can get a clean room, and even I spent my days trying to overcome my fear and worries everytime rain falled (because even in the hospital, the water level was starting to increase), I could say that my condition was much-much better than the other refugees.

Thank God.

Waiting for the flood to over was my opportunity to start thinking and thinking of what lesson God has given me:

• I realized that there were more in life than mere my jobs and my careers, that there were warm cares and attentions of friends, relatives, even strangers which made me stronger,
• I did reconfirmed my faith that my Good Father in Heaven will equip me with things I need to solve my problems, that He won’t leave me alone,
• I thanked God that He has given me a chance to develop my maturity, my sense of crisis, to be able to think, even in the worst case scenario.

The rest was now history that the flood finally over and I started to clean the house and fixed my house and my life.

And as it was said that a thing that can not kill you, will only make you stronger.
The flood experience is, a lesson from God to make me more mature and stronger in my faith to Him.

Thank God, and also I thanked my Little Brother and my worried Mother, who cares for me so much that lighten up my burden by far, my secure-base Y2K who gave me so much attention so that I did not feel alone, my boss and my mentor Mas Bento who repeatedly become my secure-base in my worst time, my friends who supported me, and foreigners back then who became my Samaritan guys.

Thank you all, and well I have to stop now before I get more melancholic and started to cry :).

Note: It's been two years since this event, yet I was experiencing butterfly - no, dragon - in my stomach every January and February, especially when there was heavy rain. Anyway thank God, there was no flood in my house ever since and hopefully never will.

(previously posted in Friendster on March 19th, 2007)

never give up

My recent hobby is fitness, especially doing the Body Pump class (http://www.lesmills.com/site/programs/bodypump-group-fitness-program.aspx). This 60-minute workout challenges all the major muscle groups by using the best weight-room exercises like squats, presses, lifts and curls. It is a very effective program for a busy and lazy person like me

The workout focuses on the repetitions. The challenge is more on keep lifting my bar until the instructor say "Done" than on how many kilograms I can put on the bar. To put too light weights will benefit nothing because the muscle wouldn’t worked-out as expected while to put too heavy weights is certainly impossible. So the key is to put the optimal weights so it is heavy enough yet I can keep lifting the bar until the "Done".

The last counts, especially in the biceps part were always the hardest. It is always so hard to keep lifting my bar until the "Done" that the minutes always be such a special minutes during the whole class. And most of the time, the "Done" was coming shortly after I’ve given up. That’s why, lately I develop a "break the limit", "forget the pain" attitude, never-never give up, who knows the "Done" will come after this, after this, after this :)…

Well, the moments always give me quite deep insight, remind me to "never give up", the success could be the very next minutes after I dropped the bar.

A very inspirational film scene taught me the same thing.

It was the war between Orcs and Uruk-hais versus the Rohan, human cavalry clan in Rohan’s fortress, the Helm’s Deep in The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers.

I remembered clearly that the Rohan which are very far-outnumbered by the Orcs / Uruk-hais keep fighting to protect their already broken-down fortress. The war kept continuing even over night while the Rohan army’s number kept decreasing very fast.

Never give up, even until the last drop of the blood.

Then suddenly with the first sun shine, came the bigger parts of Rohans led by the white wizard Gandalf which change the situation quite fast that at the end led to Rohan’s victory. I almost gave a standing-ovation back then

Never give up; success can be in the very next minutes…

Note: I'm still gym-freak guy but am now more interested in Body Balance and yoga classes. Yet now I need the 'never give up' spirit even more, especially to do headstand, arm balances, splits, full-bridge pose, and abs tracks *sigh* ...

(previously posted in Friendster on January 19th, 2007)

Coelho - Javanese - Kingdom of Heaven

I think that my first time knowing Paulo Coelho (www.paulocoelho.com) has been one of my life’s milestones.

It has changed my opinion about novels, which I considered as my last book of choice due to my uncertainty of their values for me. But Coelhos’ novels have given me so much insights of life that are very valuable for my life. And they have brought back my reading hobby once more.

Problems arose lately when I have read all Indonesian version of Coelho and quite reluctant to buy the English version due to the price :). It’s been quite a hard time for me to get books with the same values level.

Anyway, lately the story of Wayang: Mahabharata and Ramayana epics have been my obsession. Starting with some flashback from my children age that I have written in my previous blog "neither pure good nor pure evil", since then I have read many more Wayang books to get more enrichments. One of them was the books called "Mythology and the Tolerance of the Javanese", a book about Javanese philosophy, written by an American professor, Benedict R.O’G. Anderson. I am not a deep philosophy maniac who can read and understand deep Javanese philosophy books written by Javanese people. That’s why the book which only gives insights and general overview about many things is matched with my nature: want to know little things of many things that I can remember as insights to be considered, studied and remembered.

On reading my Wayang books, it has given me deeper and deeper insights about "neither pure good nor pure evil" as there is no such thing as one law fits all. Javanese people accepted it more as that each people have its’ own places in the community with different sets of rules, rights and duties. I’m not talking that I do not honor the declaration of independence and human rights that declare every human born with the same rights.

It’s just that after the born, the positions, duties and responsibilities in the community will sometimes bring sets of rules of determining good or evil.

• As in Pandavas who have to kill all of their own blood relatives, the Kouravas in Bharatayudha, yet that was considered a good deeds because as their position as Ksatriya, it were their duties to defend their honor (Kouravas were not a bad king for their people, so there were no such reason as to defend the people’s fate).
• As in Kresna, the most controversial role in Mahabharata. Having the God Visnu in his body; his acts should all be godly. Nevertheless, Bharatayudha has noted him, as if we use our standards now, the dirtiest and evil character as in he has broken almost all the available rules of honor for Pandavas’ victory. Yet he is remembered as good person since the evil and dirty tricks are all considered his unselfish acts, break his own honor for the sake of greater honor, Pandavas and the Devas.

And at that point, I can not help but remember a film that I have watched, the Kingdom of Heaven. It was a story with the background of holy war on Jerusalem. The story began with the European allied armies have taken victory and win the place in Jerusalem. The European alliance was actually very fragile because the honorable leader was dying of leprosy and there was no strong enough candidate to replace him.

Suddenly there was a young Baron, Balian (Orlando Broom) who proofed himself worthy for the leader position. But as he was very new, there was resistance from other Barons that have long fighting for the leader position. And at a determining night when the leader was about to die, the leader suggested Balian to take charge and do everything as necessary (including killing the other Barons if needed).

The film has illustrated Balian’s inner-fights quite well. Yet it has not changed my opinion that he was a selfish, coward man. He didn’t want to do the evil thing as to kill the other Barons and as the result, the allied armies suffered many-many loses, many-many soldiers’ life and lost the Jerusalem. He was selfish because he didn’t want to sacrifice his own "Good-Hero image" for the greater sake. He was coward because he was too scared of his evil doing will bring him punishment that he sacrificed the life of his armies.

Hmm, there will be definitely different endings if a person like Kresna was in his shoes :)…

(previously posted in Friendster on January 16th, 2007)

soft skills

"A year at the longest should you seek technical achievement. After that, you should focus more on the business side".

"Right now my books are all soft skills books, I have never buy any technical books anymore lately".

The first one was an advice that was given to me by my Chief who was just resigned. The later was a sharing by my first boss in Astra to me around five years ago.

They were both Germany’s graduate, very brilliant and have bright careers in Astra in such a young age. And they were both technical persons; had deep knowledge in technical IT and strong logics. Yet, they were giving me those advices about change the focus to be more on business side, the non-technical or soft-skills. And they were also living those advices, gave me example the success achieved by them on living them.

I was and I am a technical person. The ‘technical’ term refers to have quite deep technical knowledge on IT perspective, as in can do programming, prefer on reading technical white papers than pre-sales materials, do technical discussions, etc.

I started my career in Astra as a programmer and I maintained my programmer skills until now.

Anyway, for some years, I knew that their advices were true. If I want to be a leader, a real winner, then I have to develop my soft-skills.

Because, in a simple words, it is no use to have a very-very good product if I can not convince others that it is good.

So, I’ve been trying to develop my soft skills, but still I eager to maintain my technical skills. I’ve been doing presentation, sales, negotiation with customer and principles, and also programming :).

I keep saying to myself, that I have two operation modes: the technical Herry and the non-technical Herry.

Hehehe. It worked.

At least until now and perhaps some period in the future.

Anyway, deep down, I knew that some times in the near future I will face the intersection where I have to choose. Since the challenge will be bigger and harsher than my ability to overcome the technical and business at the same time by my own hands.

Yeah, yeah, you were right, Boss. I will have to choose, and I knew what to choose.

As in X-Men, there was Wolverine with the unlimited-regeneration ability which kept him young and immortal; there were the Incredible Hulk who could lift an island by his own bare hands; but yet, the greatest mutant ever was Professor Xavier, a crippled one but with the ability to control others’ mind.

Hehe. No matter how good product you have, it is useless if you can not convince others that it is good.

Note: It's been more than two years since the day I wrote this blog. I've grown more adept in my soft skills and - hard to acknowledge it - less in my technical skills *sigh*. But, I've made my choices and I think I'm in the right path.

(previously posted in Friendster on December 17th, 2006)

neither pure good nor pure evil

When I was a child in junior high school I read the comic version of Hindu epic Mahabharata.

It was then when I started to understand that there is neither pure good, nor pure evil in this world.

In the epic, the good guys, Pandavas were sometimes told to have done some wrong-doings. Yudhisthira, the purest one of them, does have passion for gambling which bring misfortune for all his brothers and families. The bad guys, Kouravas did a good deeds such as return an honor to a humiliated kshatriya, Karna which later give them his loyalty to the death as a sign of gratitude.

The epic was so touching that even I was reading it as a comic in a my very young age, there were some episodes which I can remember until now.

One of them was the episode of Ekalavya. Below is a short version of it that I got from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drona):

Ekalavya is a young prince of the Nishadha tribes, who comes to Drona (note: which was a great guru and the teacher of Pandavas and Kouravas) for instruction. Drona rejects him on account of him not belonging to the Vedic religion, nor being an Indo-Aryan. Ekalavya is undeterred, and entering a forest, begins study and practice by himself, having fashioned a clay image of Drona and worshipping him. Solely by his determination, Ekalavya becomes a warrior of exceptional prowess, at par with the young Arjuna (note: the so-called best warrior of Pandavas and even the world). One day, a dog barks while he is focused upon practice, and without looking, the prince fires arrows that seal up the dog’s mouth. The Pandava princes see this dog running, and wonder who could have done such a feat. They see Ekalavya, who announces himself as a pupil of Drona.

Arjuna is worried that his position as the best warrior in the world might by usurped. Drona sees his worry, and visits Ekalavya with the princes. Ekalavya promptly worships Drona. Drona is angered by Ekalavya’s unscrupulous behavior, claiming to be Drona’s student despite his rejection. He is also worried that if Ekalavya maintained this level of skill, he would one day lead the Nishadas in battle against Indo-Aryan kings and threaten the Vedic religion. The more important and personal reason seems to have been his partiality towards Arjuna and his jealousy in finding out that a person from the lower caste could equal a Kshatriya. Drona asks Ekalavya for a dakshina, or a deed of thanks a student must give to his teacher upon the completion of his training. Drona asks for Ekalavya’s right thumb, which Ekalavya unhesitatingly cuts off and hands to Drona, despite knowing that this would irreparably hamper his archery skills.

Hmmh … sucks.

The story hurt me so and since then, I always discount my respect to Arjuna’s accomplishness.

Also then I realized that there is neither poor good, nor pure evil. There are always two sides of the coin.

As a friend of mine shouted in her Friendster: "Baik dan Buruk memiliki wajah yang sama; semuanya bergantung dari kapan keduanya melintas di dalam kehidupan seorang manusia" (Good and Evil have the same face; it will depend on when both of them came across somebody’s life) A good deed now can have a bad consequences later, a seemingly cruel act can result in a good things later. (Drona’s cruel act and Arjuna’s jealousy, however, have some good consequences later :().

There will always be a choice for us. It will depend on us whether to see it as a micro-situation or more on the helicopter (or satellite) view. And we will always have our consciousness helping us to decide.

There is neither pure good, nor pure evil in this world.

(previously posted in Friendster on December 14th, 2006)

constant change

I used to hate being in a crowded place.

The reason was that I used to get dizzy in the middle of the crowd because I was tired on seeing and paying attention on the people walking around.

I’ve managed though :).
One of the tricks was to focus my attention only for important things that attracted me and ignore all the others.
To conserve my energy.
It was as my presentation instructor said to focus, "eye-to-eye" on certain people when doing presentation.
Because to look around for every attendance will be useless and wasting too much energy.

Then, after I knew how to manage the situation, I started to like being in a crowded places.

Especially after a long working week when all the time and energy was consumed by the works.
Perhaps it was because the emptiness that showed up after reaching the peak of the journey.
There was the need to slope slightly instead of sudden, radical changes.

So, usually after a long working week, I would go to crowded places.
There was usually no clear intentions of what to do or only low level "to-do" that will easily be dropped in normal situations.
It was just so that I can feel the ambience which somehow recharging my spirit.

One of such places was the pirated DVD market at Glodok, where it was so crowded that it was hard to stand still without being pushed or hit by other people.
The ambience was so strong that it was never failed to give me a stepping stone to get back to my "ready-to-fight" state.

Hehehe, from hate to like, contradictive in every points, but I believe that is human.
Be there no conflicts and contradictions, there will be human no more, because all of them will become robots.
And as it was said by a Wiseman who I can not remember the name, the only constant in the world, is the change.

(previously posted in Friendster on December 3rd, 2006)

Butut

Butut

That is a one descriptive word that is always used by my brother to name my motorcycle.
He always says, that it is very embarassing for me to go everywhere using my "butut" motorcycle.

Hmmm, let me think…

Huh, go to hell with that :p

I like going everywhere using my old motorcycle, more than my new car :).

Parts because I like the flexibility of using motorcycle.
Especially in Jakarta traffic, which I always think specially created for bikers.
Traffic jams everywhere, only a very-very-very patient man can go through it every day, every month, every year, stuck in the car listening to whatever music.
Not me.

Parts because it is already old so that the moral burden on riding it is pretty low.
I always feel more peaceful on riding it because I do not afraid of it being scratched anymore.
It has been scratched everywhere, anyway.
Peacefulness in Jakarta traffic is a very valuable asset you know.

And also sometimes, if my melancholic part is strengthened, it is because somehow it refreshing my spirit.

I had my motorcycle since my third grade in Senior High School in Malang.
Since then it has been my faithful vehicle when I move to Surabaya for college, then to Jakarta to work.

Sometimes, I can imagine re-living the memories of my last year of High School.
Sometimes of my hard college live in Surabaya.
Also sometimes of my first years working in Jakarta.

They refreshing my spirit, make me remember, who I was, who I am and who I want to be.

Note: I'm using a new bike now, but the memories of my old ones still linger.

(previously posted in Friendster on November 21st, 2006)

New in BlogSpot

I'm new in BlogSpot.

Previously I've been blogging in Friendster and Facebook.
But I think I will use BlogSpot from now on and I will re-post my old blogs here.