constant change

I used to hate being in a crowded place.

The reason was that I used to get dizzy in the middle of the crowd because I was tired on seeing and paying attention on the people walking around.

I’ve managed though :).
One of the tricks was to focus my attention only for important things that attracted me and ignore all the others.
To conserve my energy.
It was as my presentation instructor said to focus, "eye-to-eye" on certain people when doing presentation.
Because to look around for every attendance will be useless and wasting too much energy.

Then, after I knew how to manage the situation, I started to like being in a crowded places.

Especially after a long working week when all the time and energy was consumed by the works.
Perhaps it was because the emptiness that showed up after reaching the peak of the journey.
There was the need to slope slightly instead of sudden, radical changes.

So, usually after a long working week, I would go to crowded places.
There was usually no clear intentions of what to do or only low level "to-do" that will easily be dropped in normal situations.
It was just so that I can feel the ambience which somehow recharging my spirit.

One of such places was the pirated DVD market at Glodok, where it was so crowded that it was hard to stand still without being pushed or hit by other people.
The ambience was so strong that it was never failed to give me a stepping stone to get back to my "ready-to-fight" state.

Hehehe, from hate to like, contradictive in every points, but I believe that is human.
Be there no conflicts and contradictions, there will be human no more, because all of them will become robots.
And as it was said by a Wiseman who I can not remember the name, the only constant in the world, is the change.

(previously posted in Friendster on December 3rd, 2006)